The Numbers Game
After extensive research and data collection during the 2018 Everest season here are the statistics
96% of UK Everest climbers are from public schools
85% of climbers are from the USA and India
52% of climbers have a gofundme profile
3% of climbers will arrive at camp 2 with their crampons on the wrong feet
18% of climbers will take an ice axe past ABC on Everest
0% of climbers will be Afro American
95% of ice axes taken above ABC will be used as tent stakes
26% of climbers will spill their stove in their tent
78% of climbers will be displaying a sponsors badge
23% of climbers tried to sell advertising space on their downsuit for more if it was on their chest than their arm
65% of climbers will have more sponsors badges on their jacket than mountains they’ve climbed
100% of climbers will carry a flag to the summit
46% of climbers will carry a soft toy and give it a name
34% of climbers claimed significant mountain features had changed last year
3% of climbers will claim significant mountain features have changed this year
6% of climbers will try to rescue someone and turn around on summit day
89% of those rescuers will be ready to turn around anyway
100% of rescuers will write an article about it
87% of people who publicly criticize other Everest climbers haven’t summited
84% of people who publicly criticize other Everest climbers have beards and haven’t climbed 8a
76% of climbers will use a jumar for the first time on Everest
15% of climbers couldn’t tell the west ridge of Everest from the north ridge when they arrived at basecamp
74% of climbers will bring technical hardware they don’t know what they will use it for
72% of climbers have a justgiving profile
90% of British climbers wear black
90% of European climbers wear primary colors
100% of climbers using acetazolamide will not get a TUE
23% of climbers who have been on Everest and used acetazolamide will claim podiums at sporting events
100% of climbers now know the half-life of acetazolamide is between 10 to 15 hours and it usually takes around 5 to 6 half lives for a drug to be eliminated from your system
33% of climbers will post on a blog that their rotation was “a hard day at the office”
88% of bloggers will use the words “super, uber, so, the moment when, blessed, this one”
0% of climbers know that World No 1 Malaysian sportsman and 3 times Olympic medalist was stripped of medals and banned after testing positive for dexamethasone
51% of operators will claim they have redefined climbing strategy and the Everest experience
100% of people who have climbed Everest in the past but are at home will post a photo and a #tbt during the Everest season
10% of climbers will try to convince you that ginseng will help you acclimatize
50% of climbers will try to convince you garlic soup that will help you acclimatize
76% of climbers will try to throw their menthol hot towels back at the kitchen boy at dinner time
100% of climbers that try to throw their menthol hot towels back to the kitchen boy at dinner time will miss
85% of climbers will receive “be safe” posts from their friends and family
87% of male climbers between the ages of 16 and 25 will get AMS
99% of male climbers between the ages of 16 and 25 are fucking hooligans
46% of climbers will turn their non summits into successful learning experiences
0% of climbers who stayed at home didn’t summit Everest
10% of climbers will be giving 110%
100% of these statistics might be true but more than likely are not
100% of Uk guides use sarcasm
90% of American guides wear badges to show they’ve passed a course
87% of American guides look undernourished, are as tall as volleyball players and wear checked shirts, baseball caps and flip flops even at BC
18% of climbers didn’t know which side of Everest they were climbing
100% of weather forecasts are still only forecasts
100% of groups had 1 client who didn’t want to use walking poles
100% of climbers who didn’t use poles slipped over
36% of climbers had fitted their crampons to their boots before arriving in Kathmandu
18% of those who hadn’t fitted their crampons to their boots prior to arriving in Kathmandu had the wrong size crampon bar for their boots
10% of those who needed to buy a longer crampon bar in Kathmandu were able to find it
43% of climbers asked what the weather forecast was for Everest when they arrived in Kathmandu in April
66% of climbers didn’t realize you had to walk uphill from basecamp to the summit
25% of climbers thought training pre-expedition would help them to be stronger going uphill
76% of climbers who reach the summit of Everest change their profile status to keynote speaker
43% of clients asked if they should gain weight prior to an expedition
65% of clients were overweight
86% of clients were able to read and believe far fetched climbing biographies
87% of climbers were not able to read packing lists or instructions
35% of climbers didn’t realize Everest was in a foreign country with foreign food
30% of climbers thought they wouldn’t eat anything for 60 days
2% of climbers were fell runners from Yorkshire
100% of climbers who were fell runners wore shorts and vest at 7000m in a blizzard
90% of Nepali UIAGM guides couldn’t equalize an anchor
100% of life coaches and fitness instructors from Jumeirah said Coca-Cola was empty calories
87% of climbers started seeing visions of Coca-Cola whilst climbing
50% of climbers thought they were faster than their guides
100% of guides were 400% faster than 100% of their climbers
50% of Everest climbers thought “the journey” would be amazing
80% of Everest climbers didn’t imagine cold, altitude or loss of appetite would be part of their “journey”
100% of climbers who summited forgot about “the journey”
This compliation of statistics is sponsored jointly by Lhasa Beer and Everest Beer
